TheNewGuy

19.12.2004., nedjelja

STIGLA NAM ZIMA

i inspirirala susjede

Pozdrav iz Novalje

Bizzo

16.12.2004., četvrtak

MIŠEVI

Sreli se američki, ruski i bosanski miš na pogrebu francuskog miša, kojeg je metlom ubila 80-godišnja spremačica. Američki miš naruči dupli viski i počne se hvaliti ostalim miševima: - Kad naiđem na mišolovku, aktiviram je repom, uhvatim u zube šipku dok ide prema meni i podignem je na prsima 20 puta gore-dolje da mi se otvori apetit. Ruski otpije pola boce votke i uzvrati: - Kad ja naiđem na otrov za miševe, odnesem ga u rupu, smrvim u fini prah i to stavljam u kavu da me ujutro bolje razbudi. Bosanski miš popije svoju rakiju, pogleda ih prezirno pa reče: - Nemam ja vremena slušati vaše gluposti. Odoh ja kući guzit' mačku...

BAD PIG

Šeće zlo prase šumom i kod rijeke naleti na zlatnu ribicu. Kaže mu ribica: "Ti si zlo prase i ispunit ću ti samo jednu želju!" Prase će na to: "E, onda crkni!"

11.12.2004., subota

ZAJEBANCIJA

10.12.2004., petak

PIJAN MUJO...

Napio se Mujo i legao nasred parkinga. Dolazi policajac i pita ga: - "Šta to radiš čovječe?" - "Pa zar ne vidiš da sam se parkir'o!" - "Pa nisi ti bolan auto!" - "Ma boli me kurac, nisi ni ti pauk."

07.12.2004., utorak

BAD NEWS

06.12.2004., ponedjeljak

VIC

VIC

MOZGALICA

Brat reče sestri: " Kada je teti Kati bilo onoliko godina koliko sada imamo nas dvoje zajedno, ti si imala onoliko godina koliko ja imam danas. A sada kaži : " Kada je teta Kata imala onoliko godina koliko ti imas sada, tebi je bilo tada ... ?"

04.12.2004., subota

2PAC - Changes

[1] Come on come on I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself is life worth living should I blast myself? I'm tired of bein' poor & even worse I'm black my stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch Cops give a damn about a negro pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares one less hungry mouth on the welfare First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other It's time to fight back that's what Huey said 2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other We gotta start makin' changes learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers and that's how it's supposed to be How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me? I'd love to go back to when we played as kids but things changed, and that's the way it is [Bridge w/ changing ad libs] Come on come on That's just the way it is Things'll never be the same That's just the way it is aww yeah [Repeat] [2] I see no changes all I see is racist faces misplaced hate makes disgrace to races We under I wonder what it takes to make this one better place, let's erase the wasted Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right 'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight and only time we chill is when we kill each other it takes skill to be real, time to heal each other And although it seems heaven sent We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks But some things will never change try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game Now tell me what's a mother to do bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you You gotta operate the easy way "I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid," Well hey, well that's the way it is [Bridge] [Talking:] We gotta make a change... It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes. Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live and let's change the way we treat each other. You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive. [3] And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do But now I'm back with the blacks givin' it back to you Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp slap you up You gotta learn to hold ya own they get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone But tell the cops they can't touch this I don't trust this when they try to rush I bust this That's the sound of my tool you say it ain't cool my mama didn't raise no fool And as long as I stay black I gotta stay strapped & I never get to lay back 'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs some buck that I roughed up way back comin' back after all these years rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat that's the way it is uhh

03.12.2004., petak

Zlikavci !!!!!!

Zlikavci Isus Krist je bio iz Kalifornije jer: - Imao je dugu rascupanu kosu - Setao je svijetom bos u laganim sandalama - Osnovao je novu religijsku sektu Isus Krist je bio Irac jer: - Konzumirao je alkohol (vino) - Nikad nije imao stalni posao - Zadnja zelja u zivotu mu je bilo da mu daju piti Isus Krist je bio Portorikanac jer: - Prijatelji su ga zvali Jesus - Bio je u sukobu sa zakonom - Njegova majka nije bila sigurna tko mu je otac Isus Krist je bio Zidov jer: - Ostao je zivjeti kod roditelja do 33. godine zivota - Vjerovao je da mu je majka djevica - Njegova majka je vjerovala da je on Bog Isus Krist je bio crnac jer: - Provodio je vrijeme "na ulici", medu ljudima - Nitko mu nije dao stalni posao - Sve je zvao "brate" Isus Krist je bio Dalmatinac jer: - Jahao je na magarcu - Pio je vino i jeo ribu - Nikad nije imao neki posao, a kada bi nesto napravio, to je bilo pravo cudo Isus Krist je bio hrvatski penzioner jer: - Zivio je siromasno i tesko - Svima je vjerovao - U zadnjim danima zivota bio je izdan, prevaren i ostavljen Unatoc brojnim dokazima pripadnosti Isusa Krista raznim narodnostima i rasama, u Bibliji postoji pisani dokaz o djelu koje jasno pokazuje da je Isus Krist mogao biti iskljucivo Zagorac.Naime, Isus Krist je znao pretvoriti vodu u vino.

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